Minnowbrook musings, part 2

Over the three day workshop at Minnowbrook Conference Center in Blue Mountain Lake, we spent a lot of time talking about community and the building of communities that work for everyone. While talking about goal-setting, I was greatly relieved that my least favorite goal was not put forth for consideration.

"I just want my child to be HAPPY!!!!"

I am not a Grinch, but I am a rationalist. Happiness, by itself, is not a goal; happiness is a result (hopefully) of meeting other goals.

If happiness is a goal by itself, then how do we know when the goal has been met? When a person is 100% happy, 100% of the time? (I have met people who really do have this criteria for their loved one with a developmental disability) If not, what is an acceptable level of unhappiness - 10 minutes a day, one day out of five, etc.?

I am happy, but not because my life has been one long day at the park. I love my family, but every family has struggles, bad moods, tension, and illness to cope with. I love my work, but state regulations are a daily trial. I have strong faith, but have experienced times of doubt and darkness.

But I do not feel for one minute that the hard times have not been worth it - even when the hard times linger (longer than any criteria I might have set in a plan ahead of time) All of these things have terrific meaning to me; I love them. My happiness comes from on-going connection to the things in my life that matter to me.

Something else that matters to me is music; I can usually find a song to match a mood or an idea. This song is from the musical comedy You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown, written by Clark Gesner. My comments about lives that matter are in parentheses.

Happiness is finding a pencil
Pizza with sausage
Telling the time (opportunities for little surprises and choices)

Happiness is learning to whistle
Tying your shoe for the very first time (continuing to learn)

Happiness is playing the drum in your own school band
And happiness is walking hand in hand (connections and reciprocity)

Happiness is two kind of ice cream
Knowing a secret
Climbing a tree
Happiness is five different crayons
Catching a firefly
Setting him free (having choices)

Happiness is being alone every now and then
And happiness is coming home again (isn't this what we all want and need?)

Happiness is morning and evening
Day time and night time, too
For happiness is anyone and anything at all
That's loved by you.

Happiness is having a sister
Sharing a sandwich
Getting along.

Happiness is singing together when day is through
And happiness is those who sing with you (being part of something larger than yourself)
Happiness is morning and evening
Day time and night time, too.

For happiness is anyone and anything at all
That's loved by you.